The wife's watching Shakespeare on cable while stroking the cat
Tell me, how in the hell is a guy supposed to compete with that?
Perhaps if I venture a kiss on her cheek it might take
I try awfully hard, but I ain't no bard, just a regular guy on the make

And what would it take to get some of her attention?
Should I mention that her eyes are actually quite like the sun
Or should I just sit here twiddlin' my thumbs?

So I sit down beside her and watch along with her just to show her I have me some class
And that Rosalin surely was right on the ball when she said love was merely madness
But it wasn't too long that my might got to wander and then
I reckon I asked her one too many questions, so she just ignored me again

How can I win, when his words hold the keys to her herat?
If I start singing sonnets they seldom will ever compare--
It's not fair, so I just stare as she sits there watching Shakespeare

The wife's watching Shakespeare on cable, but the cat took a hike
I figured this must be my chance, so I move in to strike
I lean in real close, whisper low in her ear a few lines
And this time I get to her, I learn I can woo her by making my heart start to rhyme

And I don't mind coming in off the bench
That Willie the Shake's a real mensch for setting me up and
Showing me how I should speak my love